Comparison is a natural tendency, especially in college, where you’re surrounded by peers striving for success. You’re trying to figure out who you are, how good you are, and where you fit—but this can sometimes lead to harmful comparisons that undermine your confidence. Here’s how to shift your mindset and focus on what really matters.
First, remember that comparison is the thief of joy, for literally everyone. Anyone can find someone who is better than they are at something. However, the real question is whether they good at something that you actually value.
To figure this out, think about what genuinely matters–not to them–but to you. Pay attention to the times when you really felt energized by something. Think about times when you almost couldn’t stop working on something–maybe it was writing, or volunteering for someone, or reading a wikipedia article on biochemistry. Reflect on your actions and learn from your own behavior.
Sometimes, you might realize that the things others excel in aren’t even priorities for you. If you’ve never invested time or energy in something, it’s a clue that it might not truly matter to you. If you notice you’ve been putting energy into something just because others are, don’t beat yourself up about it. It happens to everyone. Forgive yourself, let it go, and move toward what you care about.
Do this mindfully–that is, without judgement, accepting what is, and balancing your awareness of what you think and what you feel. Mindfulness takes practice, but over time, it gets easier to align your efforts with your true goals.
Last, when you find yourself comparing to others, take this as a clue that you want inspiration. When you find yourself jealous at someone else’s success, use it to set your compass. Not to measure your worth. Remember, you’ll never know their full story–their achievements may come from privilege, luck, or (counterintuitively) even challenges you can’t see. Focus on what resonates with you and chart your own path.
By grounding yourself in your values and treating comparisons as guideposts rather than judgments, you’ll build confidence and find joy in your unique journey.
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